Judgement
by MistressMacha
Summary: While her partner was away on leave, Olivia made a bad call, and a hostage died. 18 months later, it's finally caught up with her, and all Elliot can really do is sit back and watch... Some E/O. Rated M for graphic violence.
1. Prologue

_**A/N: Surprise! I have new story for you. (Hopefully you'll think it's a nice surprise...) So, I already have a ton of others on the go (particularly Heritage, which has rather stolen my mind lately) but what can I say, the idea came to me a while ago and I got to the stage where I just HAD to do it. I hope you all like it, and please send me a review to let me know what you think and whether I should carry on with it.**_

_**Also, as a side note before anyone asks - the speech marks key on my laptop does not work, and I can't afford a new one and/or to get it fixed, hence the apostrophes. A couple of the text keys don't work either, so I copy and paste the letters from other documents, but when it comes to speech marks there are just too many... So, short of taking donations to get it done, the apostrophes are here to stay for now. Consider it a lovable quirk rather than a grammatical manifestation of Satan's napalm.  
**_

_**Thank you so much to Hailey for listening to me testing out ideas for titles and summaries, and you know what? This story's yours. If it was a book, it'd have a 'For Hailey, for all her help and awesome' printed on the third page. Also to Meghan for listening to me rant and for letting me steal her name.  
**_

_**So, here is the prologue to my new story... and I hope you all like it, and please, PLEASE send me a review to let me know what you think of it and whether it's worth my carrying on with it.  
**_

I'd watched her for months, you know.

I never did anything to her.

Never touched her, spoke to her, smiled at her...

I never went anywhere near her.

It almost killed me.

Watching that bitch walking around, enjoying her life, enjoying the life she took from Meghan, the life Meghan will never have because of her, it was just...

_Damn her._

I felt a sudden flash of anger and punched the back of seat in front of me.

_Damn her, damn her, DAMN HER-_

I gritted my teeth and hunched down into my coat, trying to ward off the cold a little. It wasn't like I could start up the van on or anything. With a normal person, maybe, but she was paranoid. Really, really fucking paranoid. Like, so paranoid she has a fake name on her apartment buzzer, I suppose just in case the Dominos guy decides he's had enough of toting pizzas around Manhattan on the back of his crappy moped and chooses to try and collect one of the many bounties that must be on her head instead.

And yeah, of course I know where she lives. I've followed her enough. The thing is, someone in this kind of business, they tend to move around a lot. No family ties, you know? I don't know, maybe families would weigh them down too much. God knows she didn't give two shits about mine, otherwise she wouldn't have done this.

I shook my head bitterly.

_Fucking murdering bitch, how could she have done this, how could she have killed my girl, how..._

_What the fuck is wrong with her?_

_Where does she get off hurting people?_

_What makes her so fucking special?_

_Nothing._

_Nothing does._

_Fucking selfish bitch._

_She'll pay for this._

_She'll pay for what she did._

I smiled to myself. The thought of how I was going to make her pay, the thought of what I was going to do to her, how I was going to make her scream and beg and cry once I had her, the same way I knew Meghan had screamed and begged and cried before she'd killed her, was what had kept me going during the long, long months of surveillance and planning. Whenever it got difficult I just remembered the way Meghan had suffered, the look on her face the moment before she died, the way I'd actually had to stand there and watch but couldn't do a thing to stop it...

After that, things didn't seem nearly as difficult as they had before.

And believe me, it was never easy.

Hell, planning just the surveillance itself was hard enough, and that was before I'd even really got started. She was so careful that I had to alternate how I watched her. One day on foot, one day in a car, one day in a different rental car...

I never followed her the whole distance between work and home in a single day. Of course I didn't. I knew she'd notice me. The first time, I was in a rental car. I parked in the street near where she worked and then trailed her to the subway. Next time, I was on foot. I waited for her in the subway entrance hall and then followed her down to her platform, waiting to see what train she got on, and then I got on after her, sat at the other end of the car, and made a note of the station where she got off.

Then I waited a few days. I wasn't in a rush, I hadn't even got the House sorted yet, and I didn't want her to catch on before I'd even had a chance to get started. I knew that if she noticed me, it was all over, and I'd have to resort to the Black Talons, ambush her in the street and kill her right there, quick and cheap and dirty and... and...

I sighed.

_And unsatisfying._

_So, so unsatisfying._

I mean, yes, at first all I'd thought about was how fantastic it would be to just kill her, to put a couple of bullets in her heart and watch her whimper and choke and die in front of me, but then I'd realised that wasn't enough.

A few painful seconds of her aspirating her own blood before she finally bled out or suffocated to death wasn't nearly enough, not to pay for what she'd done.

So, I waited.

After I thought enough time had passed, the next step was to hang around in the station she had gotten off at before. I waited for almost an hour, leaning casually against one of the steel pillars on the platform her train arrived on with my face hidden behind last month's copy of the New Yorker, and she didn't let me down.

For someone who seemed so paranoid, so alert to all possible dangers, so careful, her routine was almost disappointingly predictable.

I followed her off the platform to see if she would change onto the B train. She didn't. She left the station through the turnstile by the ticket office and disappeared up the stairs.

Like before, I didn't follow her.

Instead, I went back to the House and kept preparing things there.

A week later, I was ready. I sat in a bus shelter half a block from the subway exit she used, and waited. And waited. And waited. After almost two hours she finally appeared, black leather handbag tucked closely under one arm, her keys already in her hand as she walked quickly up the street.

_Fantastic._ I grinned to myself. _She must live close by._

I stood up, stretched my aching limbs, and followed her the six blocks to her door, pausing only to note the number of her apartment building as I walked past it, catching a glimpse of her retreating back for a second as she stepped into the elevator in the foyer.

It was an exhilarating moment.

Now I knew where she worked, where she lived, and the route she took home.

Always the same route, at the same time, every single day.

I smiled.

She was as good as mine.

I went back to the House and I kept preparing, rehearsing what exactly I was going to do and how I was going to do it, over and over and over and over until my hands were sore and cracked and my head ached.

Nothing was going to go wrong.

I was sure of that.

I had to be.

This morning, I rented a minivan. Nothing special, but it had a sliding door and tinted windows. More to the point, there was no way she could have seen it before. Even if she had somehow noticed me, which I knew she hadn't, there was no way she could connect the grey-blue minivan with the stolen Jersey plates and a Baby on Board placard in the window with the guy who may or may not have followed her once.

To be honest, though, I doubted she'd pay much attention to little details like that anyway, paranoid or not. I had the perfect plan.

I knew her weakness, you see.

She liked to think of herself as being caring, motherly, however many children like Meghan she had killed, however many lives she had ruined just for the sake of it. Maybe she gets a weird sadistic kick out of it. I don't know, and right now I don't care.

I know exactly what I need to do.

I glanced at my watch. It was getting to around the time she would normally be heading home. After everything was ready I'd decided to wait for another few months, to bide my time until the depths of winter when it was already dark by the time she'd left work, and when it was so cold that no one would be hanging around outside or lingering in the street. I'd rehearsed the route, over and over and over, selecting the only spot on her walk that was likely to be deserted and parking the van there, beside a streetlight so that I'd have something to brace against if she struggled too much.

Two days ago, I went and broke the bulb.

_Wait._

My head jerked up.

_She was coming._

I sat there for a few more minutes, watching her walking closer and closer, almost beside myself with excitement. She was wearing her usual clothes - smart suit to make herself look better and more important than she is, slutty top to make sure everyone's too busy looking at her admittedly gorgeous tits to notice what she is, what she does, what she'll just keep on doing until someone has the balls to stop her.

_OK._

_Showtime._

I took a deep breath, threw open the side door and jumped out, running towards her with tears streaming down my face. 'Oh my God, help, help me, she's not breathing, Meghan's not breathing, oh God...'

That got her attention. I knew it would. She was beside me immediately, reaching for her cellphone. 'Who, Sir? Who's not breathing?'

'My baby, my baby, she was fine and then...' I swallowed. 'And then I turned around and she was grey, and... and oh God, oh GOD-'

'Sir, calm down, I'm going to call 911-'

'NO!' I'd thought she might do this, and I was prepared for it. 'No, there's no time, please, please, you have to help me, PLEASE!' I grabbed her forearm, preventing her from raising the phone to her ear. 'PLEASE!'

She hesitated, glancing at my minivan. _Fantastic. It was working._ I reached into my pocket, my hand closing around the cloth as she finally gave in and ran to the van.

I was right behind her, my whole body tingling with anticipation.

She was leaning into the van, her hand resting on the back of one of the seats, when I clamped the cloth over her nose and mouth.

It's quite amazing how easy it is to get ether. They use it in schools, you know. The students euthanise crickets and flies with it.

Of course, I wasn't going to euthanise her, just put her out for long enough to get her settled into the House. Killing her now would be a huge anticlimax, not to mention being far, far more than she deserved.

She'd made Meghan suffer. She'd sat there and watched until she finally got bored and decided it was time my girl should die.

I smiled and pressed the cloth tighter against her face, listening to her choking and gagging as she tried to breathe.

Now, it was her turn.

Thank God I'd thought ahead and chosen a spot next to a streetlight. She was putting up one hell of a struggle. Maybe I diluted the ether a little too much, I don't know. Either way, I was glad to have something to brace myself against.

She kept trying to elbow me in the gut, trying to throw me off balance and push herself backwards out of the open door of the minivan, but she couldn't. I had my back pressed against the streetlight, one arm wrapped tightly around her middle and holding her body tightly against mine, pinning her arms down by her sides, the other holding the cloth that was still clamped over her face.

_Oh no._

_What if I really had diluted the ether too much? Way, way too much?_

_What if this doesn't work at all?_

_I mean yes, it worked on those cats and dogs, but they were smaller, weaker, maybe I didn't adjust the concentrations enough, maybe I'd left the cloth too long in my pocket and it had evaporated, maybe I'd fucked up completely and grabbed the wrong bottle before I left the House, and I'd sat in the dark front seat of the van and soaked the cloth with something stupid and harmless, like contact solution or club soda..._

_No._

No, I could definitely feel her weakening now.

It was working.

It was finally working.

She barely had the strength to kick any more, she couldn't scream, she could only whimper and gasp as she clawed uselessly at the air-

I heard her moan quietly, and then suddenly I was holding her up rather than holding her back, her legs sagging and her head lolling to one side as she finally fell still.

_Oh my God._

I shook my head in disbelief.

_I had her._

_I actually had her._

_She was mine._

I smiled, pushed her roughly into the van and closed the sliding door behind us, ripping off a strip of duct tape and pasting it over her mouth as she lay unconscious on the floor in front of me.

_Oh my God..._

Even after all my planning, all my preparations, and I'd never really believed I'd get this far, that I'd actually have her like this...

It was incredible.

I ran my hands across her body, confiscating any potential weapons she might try and use against me, quickly tossing the two guns I found onto the front passenger seat before duct-taping her wrists and ankles together.

_Right._

I sat back and looked at her, smiling to myself.

Her hands were bound tightly behind her back, her body twisted uncomfortably at the waist and her pale face stained with blood from her nose as she lay on her back, limp and still, her dark eyes dull and unfocused as they stared blankly up at me.

_Perfect. _

I nodded, feeling a pleasant glow of satisfaction.

Unconscious or not, she wouldn't be putting up much of a struggle any time soon.

Out of courtesy, I closed her eyes before I dragged her to the rear of the van and stashed her safely under the emergency blanket. I wouldn't want her to wake up with sore eyes, after all. I wasn't cruel.

Whatever she had done, I refused to sink to her level. I was better than that.

More to the point, Meghan deserved better than that.

OK.

I was almost done now.

Just one last thing left to do.

I pulled out my knife, hacked off a thick chunk of her glossy brown hair and put it into an envelope with her gold shield and SVU ID badge, tucking it safely into the glove box until I could drop it at her precinct on the way to the House.

I smiled to myself.

_I can't wait to see her stupid partner Elliot's face when he opens it tomorrow morning._

_**A/N: So, what did you think? Did you like it? Is it worth carrying on with? Please send me a review and let me know!**  
_


	2. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Yes, I already have a new chapter of Judgement for you! What can I say, your reviews for the last one were just so lovely that I couldn't help but start writing you guys some more as soon as I got the chance... thank you for all of your reviews - the fact I got so many people saying how much they loved it made me so, so happy - and I hope you like this new chapter just as much and think it's a decent continuation of the idea... and, of course, please send me a review to let me know what you think! **_

_**Delectable Sweetness, congratulations, you're my first ever reviewer on this story! It's probably a good sign that you liked it... and you're right, the guy who's abducted her isn't exactly a bad guy, he's just been pushed too far by what happened to his daughter. You kind of see that for a bit in this chapter too, so I hope you enjoy that.**_

_**bristow1965, I'm happy you like it, and here's your super-quick update - hopefully you think it was worth the wait, however brief it was...  
**_

_**SteffieDawn, you're always so nice. I'm really glad you liked it :)  
**_

_**Hailey, once again, you're awesome, and also my favourite. Thanks for all the help you gave me in reading over each draft of this chapter for me, and I'd give you a kidney!  
**_

_**Jennifer, I'm so happy you liked it so much and I hope you think that this chapter was worth getting excited for!  
**_

_**sockey13, I am indescribably glad that you like the idea and think it seems new. Sometimes I like to take old, well-worn storylines and try to make them fresh again, if that makes any sense (to be fair, it probably doesn't) but once in a while I have an idea that I think is original, and this was one of them. So, I'm glad you agree, and that you're excited to see where I'm going to take it.  
**_

_**candyy, you're so sweet... don't thank me for writing my stories, I should be the one thanking you for reading them and for taking the time to let me know how much you like them! You're awesome - and I hope you like this chapter.  
**_

_**Solia, I love your reviews. Thank you so, so much for this one, and hopefully you'll think this chapter lives up to your expectations.  
**_

_**dark but so Lovely, hi! It's always cool to get to meet a new reader :) How are you liking my stories so far? Anyway, I'm really glad you liked it, and I hope you like this chapter too.  
**_

_**W.S.C. Magica De Spell, I'm happy you liked it so much, and I hope this update was quick enough for you (although I really don't know how I could have done it much quicker...)  
**_

_**ashleysvureader, I intend to!  
**_

_**redangel365, I'm glad you thought it was so interesting... and I hope you like this chapter just as much (if not more!)  
**_

_**Anyway, thanks to all my wonderful, WONDERFUL reviewers (I think the last chapter broke my record for number of reviews) this was one of the longest author notes in the history of man, so if you've got this far, you must be keen! I hope all of you like this chapter too, and please, please send me a review to let me know what you think!  
**_

'Mmmm...'

Olivia frowned and opened her eyes a little.

_This... I... what's..._

She murmured something under her breath as her eyes closed again, a faint twinge of unease settling in her gut as she slipped in and out of consciousness.

Something was wrong.

Something was very, very wrong.

_Why... I can't..._

Something was pulling on her wrists and pinning them awkwardly behind her head, her shoulders and upper arms burning with a sharp, tugging pain.

_What's..._

Olivia took a deep breath and tried to work her hands free, wincing as she felt a cold, hard edge digging into the backs of her hands and biting painfully into her skin.

_I... why..._

Her back felt cold and sore, as if it had been roughly scrubbed with sandpaper, and she shifted uncomfortably, wondering why she was lying on what felt like damp concrete.

_Where... I..._

Her lips felt stiff and tacky and her face was sore, the skin stretching uncomfortably as she tried to open her mouth.

_What... I... no..._

Olivia's stomach lurched.

Was there... was there tape over her mouth?

_What... what's... I don't..._

She felt a sudden violent burst of nausea and her eyes shot open, metal clanking loudly behind her as she desperately tried to tug her hands free.

_My... my..._

There was a man standing on the other side of the room, working on something, and she started to beat her feet against the stained concrete floor as hard as she could, silently willing him to turn around.

_Help... help me..._

'Oh, hello!' He turned around and smiled cheerfully. 'Nice to see you again, Ms Benson!'

Olivia just shook her head frantically, looking down at the tape over her mouth and thrusting her chin up, trying to somehow signal to him that he needed to take the tape off, she needed him to take the tape off NOW-

He raised an eyebrow at her. 'Do you want me to take the tape off your mouth?'

Olivia's eyes widened and she nodded desperately, trying not to let herself think about what had happened to that ADA a few years ago as the burning feeling of nausea rapidly filled the back of her throat.

'Well, I don't know.' He knelt down next to her, an odd smile on his face. 'Do you promise not to scream if I do?'

Olivia nodded, silently pleading with him to take it off, to just take the tape off before it was too late, please...

'Are you sure?'

'Mmm!' Olivia nodded frantically, her eyes wide and panicked.

'Well, OK then.' He smiled and finally tore off the tape, and Olivia immediately lurched to the side and threw up, her body shuddering violently as she gagged.

She heard him swear quietly and then he was leaning over her, a sympathetic look on his face. 'That ether really did a number on you, huh?'

'No, I... I...' Her voice caught and she burst into tears, her whole body shaking as she sobbed. 'Elliot, I want Elliot...'

She heard him sigh again and then he'd pulled a battered bundle of tissues out of his pocket and was wiping her face, trying to mop up the worst of the vomit that was tangled in her hair and on her shoulders. 'Sssshhh, come on...' He smoothed her hair back off her face and looked at her hesitantly, a look of doubt flickering in his eyes. 'Are you, uh...' He swallowed and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. 'Are you OK?'

She just stared up at him, tears running down her face, and he felt a twinge of unease. She clearly had no idea where she was or what was happening to her, she looked completely terrified... He bit his lip and helped her sit up a little, trying to pretend he couldn't feel her shoulders shaking as she cried. 'Come on, I know, I know...' He turned and pulled a bottle of water out of the black nylon duffel bag he'd left against one wall, mentally kicking himself. _Get a fucking grip, you idiot. _ 'Do you want some water?'

Olivia nodded and he leaned forward and put his arm around her shoulders, unscrewing the lid of the bottle and holding it against her lips as she gulped down deep, cool mouthfuls of the water, ignoring the feeling of it spilling down her face and soaking into her shirt.

He waited for her to finish and then he lowered the bottle and set it aside. 'Better?'

She nodded, smiling gratefully, and he felt another pang of doubt. It was the first time he'd seen her without her tough front on, the ether had disorientated her so much that she'd forgotten how she was supposed to act, and she looked... she looked normal, human, she looked like... He swallowed. She looked like Meghan did when she was sick, or when she'd had a nightmare...

_No. No, don't do that. Focus._

He sighed to himself. It was just so different now that she was actually here... He smiled at her and offered her the water bottle again, forcing down an odd, unexpected feeling of guilt. 'Do you want some more water?'

'I...' Olivia frowned and shook her head, trying to clear it. 'I want... I want to go home...'

He sighed again and rolled his eyes. _I knew this was coming._ 'Come on, Olivia, I can't let you go, you know that.'

'But...' Olivia bit her lip. 'Please, please just let me go...'

He felt a twinge of irritation and gritted his teeth. _Ungrateful bitch, ungrateful selfish unrepentant bitch..._'I just told you, no.'

'Why?' Olivia looked at him pleadingly, her eyes red from crying and her clothes drenched in a mixture of spilled water and vomit. 'Why not?'

'Excuse me?' He yanked the bottle away and shoved her backwards, a sense of anger rising in his chest and any sympathy he'd felt for her long gone. _All that crying and vulnerability, she was just manipulating you, the whole time she knew exactly what she was doing, and you fell for it, you actually fell for it, you let her get into your head, you utter idiot... _'What do you mean why not?'

'I...' Olivia looked at him in confusion. 'I... I don't...'

'What?' He sat back, his eyes cold and voice dangerously quiet. 'You don't what, Olivia?'

'I...' Olivia started to cry again. 'I don't understand...'

'You don't UNDERSTAND?' He felt a burst of rage and threw the last of the water in her face, hurling the bottle to the other side of the room. _Manipulative bitch, how dare she pull this shit with me, I can't believe I fucking fell for it..._ 'YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND?'

Olivia blinked in surprise. 'No, I-'

'You MANIPULATIVE BITCH!' He slapped her hard across the face, grabbing her hair and yanking her head back up as she reeled away from him. 'YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?'

Olivia just shook her head wordlessly, her eyes wide with fear, and he let out a cry of rage and hit her hard in the face, her head flying backwards and striking the concrete floor with a loud, painful thud.

She had no idea what happened after that.

x - x - x - x - x - x

'For fuck's sake...' Elliot gritted his teeth and looked at his watch for the hundredth time. _If she doesn't get here soon then we're going to end up with the crappiest sedan on the lot..._

_Where the fuck is she?_

He shook his head.

_Fuck knows._

'Hey, Elliot, you seen Liv?' Fin walked into the room and tossed his jacket onto his chair. 'I need her to sign off on something before I head over to court.'

_I wish._ 'Nope.' Elliot sighed. 'She's not here yet.' _You'd think she'd at least bother to call in to tell me, hell, she's been late every fucking morning the past few days and I'll be damned if she'll tell me why..._

Fin frowned. 'Have you tried calling her?'

Elliot rolled his eyes. _Well, I don't know, what the fuck do you think?_ 'Only thirty times or so...'

'Maybe she's still sick,' offered Munch, leaning back in his chair and fiddling with a pencil. 'God knows yesterday she was as sick as a dog...'

'Maybe.' Elliot looked at his watch again. _Sick or not, it would really be nice if she'd bother to call and let me know for once, however weird she's been lately..._ He sighed to himself. The past few days Olivia hadn't been acting like herself at all - mood swings, being distant, barely talking to anyone - and this was just yet more of her crap that he really didn't need to have to put up with right now.

'Stabler?' The mail guy walked into the room, sack of letters in hand.

Elliot pushed down a fresh wave of irritation and raised his hand. 'Here.' _He's been working here long enough, you'd think he knew my name by now, hell, the vent guy who came in the other day knew my name and I don't even remember having ever seen him before, for God's sake..._

'Cool.' The mail guy tossed a large brown padded envelope into Elliot's lap. 'Someone dropped it off for you at the front desk last night.'

Elliot sighed, picked it up and looked at it. His name was scrawled awkwardly on the front in dark blue Sharpie, the handwriting oddly blocky and uneven. _Fantastic. Another crank_. He rolled his eyes again, tore it open and stuck his hand inside.

_What-_

He froze, a sense of dread rising in his chest.

'What is it, Elliot?' Munch leaned forward, a look of interest on his face.

Elliot took a deep breath, slowly withdrew his hand from the envelope and peered inside. His stomach lurched. 'John, I need you to go and get the Captain. Now.'

'Why?' Munch looked concerned. 'What is it? It's not a bomb or something?'

Elliot silently held the envelope upside down and shook the contents out onto his desk, the cold, hard feeling of dread settling heavily in his gut as he stared at Olivia's SVU ID lying on his desk, strands of her hair tangled around the edges of her shield.

_Oh my God._

_**A/N: So... more?**  
_


	3. Chapter 2

**_A/N: So, I have a new chapter of Judgement for you, after an absolute AGE... sadly, I'm still hopelessly blocked and having some problems (ie, depression is continuing in its sport of kicking my useless ass up and down the metaphorical street on a daily basis) so I can't promise you on when I'll have another update, but... thanks for all your support, everyone who has messaged me, because it means a lot. Judging by my dearth of reviews on the new chapter of Blame - which is normally a very popular story - my extended absence has cost me quite a lot of followers, but... hopefully this'll go some way towards making it up to all of you._  
**

**_(And feel free to drop by and have a look at some of my other stories. They mostly haven't been updated in a while due to my general crapness, but they're still going, so give them a read and send me a quick review or two!)  
_**

**_Anyway... shameless self-promotion aside, I hope you like this new chapter, despite my problems writing it, and I really hope it reads OK. So... please, give it a read, and please send me a review to let me know what you think!  
_**

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**'This DVD arrived in the mail this morning, along with another chunk of Liv's hair and one of her earrings.' Cragen held up a computer disc and cleared his throat. 'We're working on identifying where it was sent and who by, and TARU are working on the disc itself, but in the meantime I want you all to watch this and look at the details, the location, any signals Liv might be trying to give us, so that maybe we can figure out who this creep is and where the hell he might have taken her.' He pushed the disc into the machine and glanced at Elliot. 'Elliot, if you want to leave then-'**

**'No.' Elliot shook his head, staring at the screen. 'Play it.'**

**There was a whirring noise as the DVD player powered up, and then a grainy colour image of Olivia appeared on the screen, her matted hair lank and greasy and her face pale and drawn. She was sitting cross-legged on what looked like concrete, her ankles chained to a thick metal hook sunken into the floor. Her hair was hanging down over her face as she stared down at her knees, fidgeting with a ragged edge of her torn trousers, and then she glanced up for a few seconds and Elliot bit his lip, trying and failing not to look at the bruises on her face as smiled unsteadily at the camera, flinching as the man with the blurred-out features standing beside her laid his hand on her shoulder. **_**Oh, Liv...**_

Olivia looked away, staring at a spot on the floor in front of her, and he sighed and nudged her impatiently. 'Come on, Liv. Say hello.'

_OK, Olivia, you can do this. _Olivia forced a weak smile, determined not to cry in front of them. _Deep breaths, keep calm, it'll be over soon, just keep smiling._ 'Hi, everyone.' She gave them a little wave, silently cursing herself as she heard her voice crack. 'Hi, El.' _I miss you..._

**Elliot could see her lip trembling and he clenched his fists, uncomfortably aware of all the concerned glances he was getting. **_**Do not cry, do not break, just don't, Elliot, DON'T...**_

'Good girl. I bet they're all very glad to hear your voice again.' He smiled and patted her on the shoulder. 'Why don't you tell them how you are, Liv?'

_Oh God, do I have to?_ 'I... um...' Olivia trailed off, willing herself not to break down. 'I...'

'Come on, Liv.' He sighed, and then she felt his hand tighten painfully on her shoulder. 'Don't be rude.'

'I...' _Don't worry them. Don't upset them. They don't need to hear about all your problems. You got yourself into this mess, now it's up to you to get yourself out of it. _She took a deep breath and stared into the lens, forcing herself to smile brightly. 'I'm fine. He looks after me very well. A few days ago he gave me a bedroll and some blankets, so I don't get too cold, and... and he's being very nice to me.' She bit her lip, feeling her voice waver a little. 'Sometimes he brings me hot tea, and he said that if I'm good he'll bring me a space heater soon.' _Keep smiling, Olivia, just keep smiling, you can cry later, not now. _ 'I'm fine, really. You don't need to worry about me.' She heard her voice crack. 'Really.'

**Elliot silently shook his head, feeling a pang of sadness as he saw her wipe her eyes with her sleeve, her lower lip trembling. **_**Oh, Liv...**_

He nodded appreciatively. 'Good girl. That was very touching.' He finally released his grip on her shoulder and Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. 'And now we've got the usual pleasantries over with...' He smiled and reached into the bag again, and Olivia's stomach turned over.

**Elliot felt his blood run cold. **_**Oh my God.**_

'This here is a Smith and Wesson revolver, model 327PD. 4" barrel, double action, with an 8-shot cylinder.' He waved the gun in front of her face to show her, then tucked it back into his waistband and pulled out a box. 'Pick a bullet.'

Olivia's eyes widened. _No. No, this isn't happening. Of course it isn't._ 'Wh... what?' _I have to have heard him wrong I have to he can't be about to-_

He sighed loudly and held the box out, shaking it and rattling the .357 magnum cartridges impatiently. 'You heard me, Liv. Pick a bullet.'

**Elliot stared at the screen, biting down hard on his lip. **_**Just do it, Liv, do what he asks, don't give him a reason, please...**_

_Oh God oh God oh God... _Olivia swallowed awkwardly, a cold feeling of dread settling in her stomach. _Don't worry, Olivia. You know what he's like, this is probably just a weird game or something. It has to be._ 'But... but... but why-'

'It doesn't matter why, and if you really want that damn space heater then you'll do what you're told.' He shoved the box into her face. 'Now pick a fucking bullet.'

_I do._ Olivia bit her lip, glancing at the gun. _I do want the space heater._ She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and reached into the box, her stomach lurching as she felt her fingertips brush against the smooth metal jacket of a bullet. _It's OK, Olivia, calm down, calm down, this doesn't mean anything, it can't mean anything, it... it..._ She swallowed awkwardly, closed her fingers around the cartridge and pulled it out of the box, forcing herself to look in the eye and smile as she handed it to him. _Play along, this is probably just a game, and in a minute he'll start laughing and then maybe he'll give you the heater if you do it right. _ 'This one.'

He smiled and took it from her. 'Good girl.' He expertly flipped open the metal cylinder of the gun and slid the bullet into one of the chambers. 'Now kneel.'

**Elliot's eyes widened. **_**No, oh no...**_

Olivia felt a cold chill run spread through her. _Oh fuck, oh God, oh no, oh God, you're actually going to die because you wanted a fucking space heater you complete and utter idiot..._ She closed her eyes, forcing herself to take deep, calming breaths, and trying desperately not to throw up. _Please, not here, not like this, please, don't make tbem watch, El can't see this, he can't..._ 'Please, you don't-'

'Shut up, Liv.' He span the cylinder and locked it back into place. 'I want you to give me one good reason not to kill you.' He pressed the barrel of the gun against her left temple, pulling her roughly into a kneeling position. 'Go.'

_**Oh God. This can't be happening.**_** Elliot felt as if he was about to be sick. Beside him, he heard Fin mutter a muffled curse under his breath. **_**It can't, it can't, it can't...**_

Olivia stared at him. _He's not going to do this, he can't be about to do this, right? RIGHT? _ 'No, please, you can't-'

'Shut UP, Liv!' He cocked the gun and pressed the barrel more firmly against her head, a hard edge coming into his voice.

_Oh God oh Jesus oh no-_ Olivia felt a surge of panic. 'Please, I'm sorry, you don't want to do this, really, I can tell you're a good person, and we're friends now, right? Right?' _You're a twisted, deranged son of a bitch and I hope El breaks your fucking neck._ She looked up at him and forced a smile. 'Right?'

_**That's good. That's really good.**_** Elliot let out a long, slow breath. nodding a little. **_**OK, Liv, that's great, build a rapport, make him trust you, form a bond...**_

'Hmm. Begging.' He smiled bitterly. 'You know, I've often wondered how much Meghan begged for her life.' He gave her a cold look. 'That crap's not going to work on me, Liv. Don't waste your time.'

_Shit. Shit. _'No, I-' Olivia saw him pull the trigger and her breath caught in her throat, a burst of terror racing through her as she instinctively squeezed her eyes shut. _Oh God oh please please don't don't don't-_

She heard the hollow click of the hammer hitting an empty chamber and felt like she was about to faint with relief. _Oh thank God, thank God..._

_**Oh God, oh my God... **_**Elliot was suddenly afraid that he was about to faint. **_**Oh God, thank God, now let her go, please let her go, please...**_

'OK, Liv.' She heard him cock the gun again and opened her eyes. 'Time for round two.'

_Fuck. Fuck._ 'Uh, I, uh...' Olivia desperately tried to think of something good. _What would appeal to him? What matters to him?_ 'I...' She felt a sudden flash of inspiration. 'I have a family!'

He chuckled to himself. 'No you don't. No one will miss you.'

_Oh fuck._ Olivia opened her mouth to say something, and then she saw his finger was tightening against the trigger again and froze. _Oh God please please please please please- _

_**Please...**_** Elliot leaned forwards, his face practically pressed up against the screen and his heart pounding. **_**Please, please, please...**_

She heard the hammer hit the empty chamber with the same hollow click as before and felt a fresh rush of relief. _Oh thank you thank you God thank you-_

'2 down, 6 to go.' He smiled bitterly and cocked the gun again. 'Try again, Liv.'

_Crap. Fuck._ 'Uh... uh...' Olivia shook her head, trying to clear it. 'I...'

_You have to tell him, Olivia. _

Olivia felt her stomach turn over.

_No, no, I don't, I can make him see sense, no one has to know... _

She swallowed awkwardly, frantically trying not to panic. 'I'm a cop, I'm a good person, I help people, I try to help people-'

'Bullshit.' He pulled the trigger again, watching her wince as the hammer struck another empty chamber. 'OK, Liv, round four.'

_No, please, please, no more, I can't take any more..._ 'I... I...' Olivia bit her lip. 'I...'

_Tell him, Olivia. _

_You have to tell him._

_No, no, everyone will hear, El will hear, I can't do that to him..._

_He'll find out eventually, Olivia._

_No, no, he doesn't have to-_

_Yes, Olivia, he does._

_Yes, but..._ Olivia bit down hard on her lip, frantically shaking her head. _But not like this, please not like this..._

_Would you rather he finds out like this or during your autopsy?_

_I... I..._

**Elliot bit his lip, silently pleading with her to say something. **_**Just say something, Liv, anything, make something up, just stop this, please, I can't take this any more...**_

_Olivia?_

_You have to do something._

_No, no, I... I..._

Suddenly she heard him sigh. 'Too slow, Liv.' He pulled the trigger and she jerked, and then he was rolling his eyes at the empty click before cocking the gun again. 'You're running out of chances here, Liv. I hope you have something better than that.'

'Uh...' Olivia took a deep breath, trying to force herself to calm down and think clearly. 'I...'

_Tell him. _

_No, I can't, I... _

_TELL HIM. _

**Elliot stared at her picture on the screen, watching the confused panic flickering across her face and willing her to pull it together. **_**Come ON, Olivia, tell him something, ANYTHING-**_

'Uh...' Olivia hesitated. 'I... I...'

_TELL HIM!_

_TELL HIM TELL HIM TELL HIM TELL HIM-_ Olivia saw him start to pull the trigger and felt a sudden burst of desperation. 'NO, NO, I CAN'T!'

'Tough luck, Liv, you don't get a choice.' His finger jerked back on the trigger and Olivia cried out, and then she heard the hollow click again and a wave of terrified relief washed over her. 'Hmm. Look at that. Five down, three to go. Better think faster than that, Liv.'

'No, please...' Olivia could feel tears streaming down her face. 'Please, please don't do this...'

'Oh yeah?' He raised an eyebrow at her. 'Give me one reason why I shouldn't.'

'I...' Olivis swallowed nervously. 'Because... because...'

_Oh God oh God I can't I can't-_

_Olivia come on, you have to tell him, you have to tell him you have to tell him before it's too late-_

'Because... because...' Olivia took a deep breath and then suddenly it all came spilling out. 'Because I'm pregnant!'

_**She... did she...**_** Elliot felt his stomach turn over. **_**Oh my God...**_

'Nice try, Liv.' He rolled his eyes and pulled the trigger again, laughing a little as she whimpered quietly under her breath, her shoulders sagging in relief as she finally heard the empty click. 'One more for lying.'

What?! Olivia felt a fresh burst of terror. 'No, no, PLEASE, I'M NOT LYING, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME-'

He ignored her and pulled the trigger again, and Olivia felt her stomach lurch. _Oh God oh God why hasn't it clicked yet oh God this must be the chamber with the bullet it must it must oh God-_

It wasn't.

'Hmm, look at that.' He smiled and pulled back the hammer with a click. 'Last chance, Liv.'

_It... he.. oh God... oh God oh God oh God oh God-_ Olivia felt a sudden surge of panic. 'No, no, please, I am, I am pregnant, you have to believe me, I only found out a few days before I came here but I am, I took like eight tests and they all said-' Olivia felt him press the barrel more tightly against her head and felt as if she was about to throw up. 'Please, please don't hurt me, I want to see my baby, please, please don't do this, please, please, I'm begging you, please please no no no please don't do this I NO!' She saw him squeeze the trigger and shied away, waiting for the bang-

There wasn't one.

She waited a few seconds and tentatively opened her eyes, watching open-mouthed as he flipped the gun's cylinder open again and showed it to her.

It was empty.

_**Oh, thank God...**_** Elliot's legs gave way and he sat down hard on the floor, burying his face in his hands. **_**Thank God, thank God...**_

'How... how...' Olivia licked her lips, trying to catch her breath. 'I... I saw...' _Am I dead?_ _Oh God, am I dead and I just don't know it? No, Olivia, you're alive, you're alive... _She felt an overwhelming surge of relief and then suddenly she was sobbing, her whole body shaking. _Oh God, I'm alive..._

He reached behind her ear, his fingertips brushing lightly against the side of her neck, and then he was pulling his hand away and twirling the bullet between his fingers, smiling bitterly as she sobbed. 'Meghan loved magic, you know.'

_**You bastard...**_** Elliot looked up at the screen, his face filled with rage as he climbed to his feet. **_**I swear to God I'm going to fucking kill you myself when I get the chance...**_

**Beside him, he heard Fin swear quietly, angrily shaking his head. 'That creep's ass is mine.'**

_I... I..._ Olivia just shook her head wordlessly, tears still streaming down her face. _How... I... I can't..._

'I guess you're lucky I was feeling so fucking generous today.' He smiled and patted her on the shoulder. 'What can I say, I've started to like having you around. For now.' His eyes narrowed. 'But try and lie to me again, Liv, and I swear you'll regret it.'

_But..._ Olivia swallowed awkwardly. 'I... no, I...' _Let it go, Olivia, it's over, no one has to know... _She hesitated, biting her lip. _No, El's watching, he has to know, he has to know the truth, I can't... I can't..._ She took a deep breath, forcing herself to look him in the eye. 'No, I'm not lying, I am, I am pregnant, it was... it was at a party, it was just a one-off and... and I was careless, we were careless, it was at the Christmas party and we drank too much and... and...

**'Hang on.' Fin frowned. 'Is she talking about the party we had here?'**

He snorted derisively. 'Come on, Liv. I was waiting outside the building the entire night. You arrived alone and you left alone, just like you always do.'

'No, I know, but we never left the precinct, I swear, everyone was out of the room and there's a big desk tucked away in the corner of the squadroom that you can't really see from the door and... and...'

**Everyone silently turned and glanced at Munch's desk. **

'And so... and so me and my partner, we... we... on the desk...'

**Munch shot Elliot a dirty look, pulled out a bottle of hand sanitiser and sprayed it liberally on his palms.**

Olivia shrugged. 'And now... and now I'm pregnant.' She looked up at the camera, tears still streaming down her cheeks. _I'm sorry, El. I didn't want you to find out like this. _

**Elliot just stared at her face, biting his lip, swallowing an unexpected, overwhelming sense of grief as the screen finally went black.**

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_**A/N: So, what did you think? Did it go some way towards making up for the massive wait for me to get it written and posted? **_

_**I hope I'll see you all again soon, and in the meantime please send me a review to let me know what you think!  
**_


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